Ever really try and think about what our purpose is on this world? I mean not like hmm, what am I doing with my life. I’m talking about like sit in the quiet all alone and really take in everything and wonder why am I here? I do this quite a lot, but did it yesterday. I was half sulking, half just missing my lover because he is in Mexico, but I got home and just reflected.
At this point in my life I have truly accomplished so much. I graduated high school, which might not be a big deal, but for a large percentage of people living in the US that is a huge feat. I then moved away from all of my family and friends to south Florida, another accomplishment. At 17 it is hard to leave the safety of your family and a boyfriend who at the time was my world. Graduating college in 4 years is incredibly tough, but I was successful at that also, then bam! It seems like it’s over there… I do not like my job, searching for jobs is tough, financially I am frustrated, I feel a bit depressed every day about it. Is this what I was working to get to?
I have an incredible love life, incredible friends that I am soo happy I found, my family loves me and that makes me happy, but that isn’t life. It seems life has changed from doing what makes you happy to doing what you need to do to survive and it upsets me. As I was sulking yesterday feeling pitiful I thought, is my purpose just to work, make money for my kids and then die? What a life? I am a Christian so I believe God made it so everyone has a purpose and I do think I have one, but I have yet to find it. I do know that everyone I run into I try to positively impact their life. I like to make people happy, whether it’s a complement, a gift or a laugh, making people happy is extremely important to me, but how is this going to pay the bills?
I am constantly thinking of a way that I can do what I love to do, make people happy, be creative, not need to be too serious and not lose my sense of self, but still make money and be successful. I feel some would say, of course there is a way to do that, but excuse me… I’m right here and I don’t see it. I have some talents sure, but like many people our talents need to be put on hold til we have enough money to retire then we can pick them up again. It sucks and I don’t think it’s fair, but that’s life as I know it!
So as I think what am I doing here, my answer still remains not sure, but hopefully in the near future I will figure it out.
Found an awesome you tube vid…
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